I am the second oldest of four siblings (all girls). This is in regards to my youngest sister ?K? and her upcoming wedding. K and her finance have known each other and dated since high school. They went off to college together and at some point became engaged while still in college. After graduating college, they decided to move to Las Vegas to pursue careers in the field of their degrees (culinary/hospitality). Last year, late July/early August, K?s finance decided to re-ask my sister to marry him and buy her a new ring, and actually make plans for a wedding.
I was very happy for them both because her finance put a lot of thought into asking her the big question (again?) and I know my sister really does love him and this is the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. K and finance start planning said wedding, in Las Vegas. Both of their families are from the Saratoga region.
It becomes clear right from the beginning that we are all expected to go to Vegas for the wedding. K asks me to be a bridesmaid; I agree with hesitation and then later realize that I have to tell her that I can not afford to go to wedding. (It was a rough winter for my husband and me). K tells me to leave my husband at home, open a credit card in order to get free flights, ect, ect, ect.
Pretty much, ?I don?t care what you do, just make it happen.? (Not a direct quote, but it was something similar) I turn to our parents for advice; get told that I ?HAVE? to go, she was in your wedding, this is what she wants, ect. Ugh. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Can?t afford trip, but have to go? So, against my better judgment, I make this happen by draining my savings (which was being saved for a house) and running up credit card debt.
What else was I suppose to do? K does not talk to me again after initial phone conversation in February, so as of the last time I talked to her- she knew I was unsure if I would be able to make it or not. Fast forward to June, when it is time for K?s bridal shower. K came home for her shower and stayed for the weekend. K left to go back to Vegas. K has not talked to me since. I have put aside so many things in my life to make this trip happen. I gave up a lot of my hopes and dreams (including being able to buy a house sometime in the next century) for my sister?s wedding. And she has not once called to chat, check in with me, or anything. And what I can gather from her other bridesmaids is the same thing. (Except for her MOH).
My husband and I are spending over $3000 to be a part/attend this wedding, but you can?t even talk to me? I feel so bitter, angry and resentful towards her (and my parents) about this. And now, K sends me an e-mail with an itinerary for the week we are in Vegas, and everyday we are there, she has something wedding related planned! Me and husband have never been to Vegas and were hoping to take a little time to spend on our own and enjoy our vacation, seeing as this is the only vacation we will get this year (and maybe next year too).
Is it okay to bow out of brunches and lunches, especially if they are after the wedding? And what do I give as a wedding gift? Does my gift still need to be the same monetary value of a gift I would give if this was a local wedding and I did not have such huge travel expenses? Has anyone ever felt like they had to do something just because it involved family? Also, K is having a reception in October in Saratoga for all the guests that can not attend the wedding in Vegas. Do I have to attend that? I am just so tired of this whole wedding.
It has drained me financially, emotionally, physically and is now starting to put a strain on my relationship with my husband, and not to mention has definitely strained my relationship with my sister (Whether K realizes that or not). Any help, advice or numbers for therapists (lol) would be greatly appreciated! I will be actively looking at responses, so please feel free to ask questions!
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